Where does one draw the line with professionalism? The Remains of the Day roused this question quite pointedly, presenting it as a consistent theme throughout the novel. The narrator and protagonist, Stevens, initially appears to maintain an emotional distance from everyone and everything except his work. So much so that it’s rather baffling to witness just how conditioned he is to being subservient. At events that would present incredible emotional turmoil, like his father’s death or the firing of the two maids for the reason of being Jewish, he holds them at arm’s length and continues on with his duties.
This is not to say he is entirely void of emotion. There are several instances where Stevens seemed to be unconsciously experiencing emotions of his own creation. When Miss Kenton points out that his father has been declining in his duties as an under-butler, Stevens elects to disregard this and continues to view his father as a savvy and highly capable servant, despite Miss Kenton laying out the facts and examples quite plainly for Stevens to see. When his father was dying in the middle of Lord Darlington’s party, Stevens continued on with serving the guests, though young Reginald Cardinal pointed out to Stevens that he appeared to have been crying without his own knowledge. In the present day, when Stevens is recounting his stories during his motoring trip, he encounters people from whom he chooses to hide the fact that he served Lord Darlington. Though he vehemently denies any sense of shame that compelled him to do so, it becomes increasingly clear as his recounting of his employer continues that the truth may be the exact opposite of what he claims.
Throughout the story, Stevens appears to have trouble connecting with other people except in a purely professional sense. It is a reflex of his to address people as sir or madam, and he addresses those he is close with by their last names (for example, when talking with his father, he phrases questions as ‘Is Father feeling alright?’ as though his father were another person entirely rather than the person he’s speaking to). Additionally, Stevens is perplexed by the concept of banter. It appears to be a running gag throughout the book that his ‘witticisms’–as he calls them–fall flat with those he attempts to banter with. Near the end of the story, his continual praise and expressed respect of his former employer seems to grind to a slower pace than the beginning. By the end of his story, Stevens seems to have come to terms with the nature of humans outside of work, as he watches strangers on the pier joke around and treat each other warmly. He also seems to have come to relative terms with the truth underneath the memory of his own life.
The ending was interesting in that respect, how Stevens seemed content to watch people carry on with one another on the pier, but I couldn’t help but to think that it was bittersweet to him. Personally, I’m not sure if he came to some understanding about his life, but for the first time it appeared to me like he regretted some aspects about it. “I find I do not have a great deal more left to give.'” He told the man he was sitting next to on p. 242. It felt like he was both happy and melancholic to learn things about life and people so late into his own life; with Miss Kenton trying to make reparations in her marriage I think that also made him realize that he never truly got to share his life with any one person but more so it was fragmented with different employers, employees, and near strangers. There was a sad but understanding to him in those last few pages of the book that I’m not sure Stevens would have come to had he not gone on that trip.
I think by the end of the story, Stevens realizes how much he has been isolating himself from others by constantly maintaining an image of how a butler should be. He states he will continue to move forward, trying to genuinely connect with other people rather than greeting them as a butler and addressing them formally. Not only did he go on a physical trip, but he also went on a mental trip through his memories and coming to realizations about himself that he may have never thought about if he had stayed at Darlington Hall.
I definitely think in the end he had been ushering this professional sense of himself so greatly that it impacted his way of living beyond work. He certainly had trouble when it came to anything besides professionalism–and I think that is one of the more clear signs when he relays that Mr. Farraday speaks differently and he has yet to figure out this way of speaking that seems less than perfect to him. He put other relationships on hold, as you al stated, for his job which meant missing grave events of his life which, in the end, troubled him. I mean, these are the memories that he shared–troubling ones–that could have had an entirely different account had he simply given himself or the others respect and time.